Planes, trains and people behaving strangely.

Airports and flying test my patience. And my sanity.

Actually, it's not the airports I have a problem with, it's the people you encounter at airports.

Maybe it's the number of people in a confined area with very strict rules. Maybe it's the excitement of the upcoming trip. Something make normal people behave differently when they enter an airport terminal.

Call it the reverse Pareto - about 80% of people behave a little peculiar once they step inside an airport terminal. You almost expect a sign saying “Act weird inside, manners optional” when you enter the terminal.

I understand the excitement that goes with a holiday or the excitement of going home after a trip but unless it's your private jet (in which case you wouldn't be here), get in the check-in queue and be patient like the rest of us. Duty free is not that exciting anyway.

And then there's the moving walkways. They're called moving walkways, implying you should walk! The most annoying is when you get airport staff just standing there on the moving walkways - they should know better. I try to avoid the moving walkways altogether. You're going to sit for a good few hours or just sat for a good few hours. Walk!

Eventually you make it onto the plane, after the hustle and barging to get to the plane first, of course. Now you have to deal with those passengers who brought all their earthly possessions as hand luggage, as well as all the booze, cigarettes and perfume they could lay their hands on in duty free.

You manage to settle down after a few hours into the flight and maybe even get a few hours sleep. Things are looking up. Until you have to use the facilities. I'll refrain from going into the details. Suffice it to say that I've tested my bladder to the limits to avoid the horror of airplane toilets.

The few minutes between touchdown and the gate feel like hours. Everybody wants to get off the plane, forgetting that they just experienced the miracle of flight. The doors open and you think you're done with the weirdos.

Until you get to the baggage claim area. Pushing a trolley to the front, over and through anything and anyone in your way, will apparently make your suitcases miraculously appear next. Really? Where do these people come from?

I feel great as I head for the station. Behavior patterns on the platform and the train? Ditto, ditto, ditto!

I can't help but think of the return flight. And before I even leave the train, I find myself thinking about the next trip.

Who's the weirdo now?